- Tyler: Hi! I'm new in this city. What's your name?
- Me: I'm...Zac. And you're not new, you've been walking around handing out pamphlets about how we're all going to hell for almost a month now.
- Tyler: ha ha, hi Zac! My name is Tyler. It's so very nice to meet you.
- *Awkward hand shake*
- Me: Is there something I can help you with?
- Tyler: Yeah, do you know where I could find a young man who's honest, kind, and truly a good person? And wants to do some good in this world?
- Me: ...what.
- Tyler: I'm looking for someone like that, do you know anybody who fits that description?
- Me: Nope.
- Tyler: *laughs* Oh come on now, you surely can think of SOMEone.
- Me: ....
- Tyler: Anyone?
- Me: Drawing a blank here Tyler.
- Tyler: Well how about I give you my card, and if you think of someone who fits that description. You just have them call me ok?
- Me: So what...you're like...looking for a boyfriend?
- Tyler: Excuse me!?
- Me: Yeah, you're just cruising for a good guy to settle down with right? I dig it.
- Tyler: No no no my friend, you see-
- Me: Dude, it's cool. Hey, if I was gay. I'd tear that ass up. I mean, the whole white button down shirt with black pants and tie is pretty "pulp fiction". You pull it off well. Guys just aren't my thing.
- Tyler: No, you've misunderstood.
- Me: I'll keep an eye out for you Tyler, I gotta go.
- *walks away*
- Tyler: But-
- Me: (from a distance) SOMEDAY YOUR PRINCE WILL COME!
- And that's how you handle it folks!
1: Do you have a crush at the moment?
2: Have you ever been deeply in love?
3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in?
4: Have you ever changed for someone?
5: How is your relationship with your ex?
6: Have you ever been cheated on?
7: Have you ever cheated?
8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating?
9: What’s the most important part of a relationship?
10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?
11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”?
12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?
13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?
14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?
15: Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”?
16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”?
17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet?
18: What do you consider a deal breaker?
19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship?
20: Are you currently in a relationship?
21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?
22: Do you think people should date their friends?
23: How many relationships have you had?
24: Do you think love can last forever?
25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?
26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of?
27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?
28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?
29: What do you notice first about another person?
30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?
31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?
32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?
33: Do you want to get married one day?
34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed?
35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?
36: Are you still a virgin?
37: What’s more important: Looks or personality?
38: Do you enjoy love films?
39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses?
40: Have you ever had a valentine?
41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”?
42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”?
43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends?
44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”?
45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?
46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”?
47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite?
48: What’s your favorite love song?
49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
50: If you’re single, why do you think you are?
51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy?
52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?
53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single?
54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)?
55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”?
56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship?
57: Do you think it’s silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?
58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship?
59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary?
60: What’s your opinion on open relationships?
61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family?
62: How do you define “cheating”?
63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?
64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated?
65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”?
I have this wonderful ability. I have the ability to turn any amount of depression I feel, into anger. Like tonight, I get so depressed that I can cry, and almost do. But as I drive home, and listen/sing along to music, that depression/loneliness starts changing. It becomes this incredible anger. A lot of it is self directed, but still. I am so stressed out, and I have no relief. Oh there are things I can do, but either a. I don’t have the person/equipment to do them, or b. I just don’t have the time. I go through life and I’m fairly happy. But once I peal off this mask, I am really very lonely and depressed and angry.
I’m also jealous of my friends. They have relationships, they have time, they have things to help them relieve stress and make them smile. And yes, being around them I am that way some times too. However, at other times, I contemplate killing them because of how angry their happiness makes me. Now I wouldn’t ever kill them…unless they turn into zombies, then they’re fair game. But still, these thoughts. Hell there are times when I walk through stores, or at school, and I see all these happy couples and happy people. And better than 70% of the time I am either happy for them, or just don’t care. But then there are those times when I’m walking, and I see them there, and that anger comes up. And I can clearly see in my head many ways to kill them. I can feel the spray of blood, hear the screams, the sobs, and in a way it fills me with joy at the thought of their misery and horror. That’s not exactly right but I’m having a hard time articulating what it actually is.
I wish, sometimes, that I could not feel that way. That I wasn’t this angry, this depressed, this lonely. I don’t want to be “normal”, because normal is boring. But it would be nice to be happy again. I guess what worries me is that one day I might snap, and what I see in my head may become reality. I don’t want to end up as one of those people you see on tv these days. Fuck it all, I’m one of the good guys. Why does it feel like life keeps beating me with the shit stick? Every time I try to do something to improve myself, something beats the crap out of me and tells me no. I try to go to school for a while, and I couldn’t get a student loan to save my life. I get into school and start taking classes, but my brain refuses to learn the subject matter. Oh, for some classes it’s fine. But for others, I can sit there and do problem after problem after problem…and I may retain it for a few hours. But if I come back to it the next day, I’ve almost completely forgotten it. And this is shit that is REQUIRED for me to do.
I just don’t know. That’s what it comes down to. I’m tired, I’m sad, and I want to kill everyone in the world. Because that might make me feel better for 5 fucking minutes.
Feel free to respond to this, with this warning. I do not want your fucking pitty. I do not want your fucking condemnation or spite. If you give me one, then I will loose respect for you. If you give me the other, well then you’ll just find out won’t ya. If you want to give me constructive advice, then please, give me all you’ve got. Or if you want to just give me a hug, that’s okay. I can use more hugs in my life.
Black: I would date you.
Green: I think you’re cute.
Blue: You are my tumblr crush.
Grey: I wish you would notice me.
Purple: I don’t talk to you but I really love your blog.
Teal: We have a lot in common.
Yellow: FUCK ME, LET’S FUCK.
Orange: I don’t like your blog.
Brown: I don’t like you.
Pink: I think you are unattractive.
Red: I hate you with a burning passion.
White: Marry me.
Saturday died in my arms last night. yesterday i had a feeling it would be that day. i just had a feeling. i have never watched something die before. he wouldn’t eat or drink and just wanted to snuggle, and as soon as he stopped breathing, his teeth clenched and his entire body went stiff. i was really confused and am really fucking sad. he had a nice last day, though. after i came home from the darkroom my dad and i gave him a warm bath in the backyard while he nibbled on apples. then i wrapped him up in a little towel burrito and we walked all around the neighborhood and it sounds stupid but i just showed him all these flowers, because i thought maybe he, in his lil rabbit brain, would think they were really pretty or something. i think he did. and i talked to him a lot yesterday, more than usual. told him about when i first met him, told him about a bunch of nice times we’d had together in case he’d forgotten in his old age. i sound retarded being this sentimental about a rabbit but honestly he was one of my best friends. and when someone or something is there almost your whole life, whether it’s a person, or an animal, or even something dumb like a table or a blanket, you feel it when it leaves. i suppose it was time. but it doesn’t make it easier. he has been there almost my whole life. (14 years! he was insane) it’s crazy. fuck. loved that little buddy. so fucking much.
When it’s your time, and you have lived a good life as well, I’m sure he’ll be waiting for you to snuggle with again. May he have a wonderful time in the summerlands while he waits.