A quick visual guide to the hymen.
good lord yes, important information for those uninformed
The incredible thing is the number of people who ignore that, and the incredible amount of people within that number who are female.
You know, fanfiction writers should realise that a certain number of young female persons are learning about their own body reading fics that always describe the loss of virginity as searing pain + litres of blood.
Are—are there really people who knowingly ignore the fact and continue to perpetuate the myth?
Really seriously though the prevalence of this narrative is really disturbing to me
guess what, your first time is NOT supposed to hurt. Jesus it’s 2014.
Every time I see a post about hymens and virginity, I need to say this and reiterate it and just make everyone understand:
your first time is not supposed to hurt
your first time is not supposed to hurt
your first time is not supposed to hurt
IT IS NOT A REQUIREMENT TO BLEED FOR YOUR FIRST TIME
REASONS YOU MIGHT BLEED FOR YOUR FIRST TIME:
- Not enough lubrication.
- Not enough preparation.
- Not enough foreplay.
- Your partner is a giant dicksplash.
TIPS AND HINTS FOR YOUR FIRST TIME THAT I WISH I HAD:
- LUBE IS YOUR VERY BEST FRIEND! Yes the vagina secretes a fluid that can act as a natural lubricant but that is not enough for vaginal sex. And for some women (like myself), they do not secrete nearly enough for even penetration, let alone sex. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH LUBE.
- FOREPLAY, FOREPLAY, FOREPLAY!!! You want to be good and turned on, like super turned on, coz the more you’re aroused, the more pliant and warm your vagina is going to be, and it’s more likely to allow a dick in without tearing. Like even when you’re giving birth, doctors nowadays will actually massage the outer rim of your vagina so that everything loosens up and allows A FUCKING BABY TO BE BORN WITHOUT TEARING YOU.
- PREPARATION (WHICH IS SOMEWHAT RELATED TO FOREPLAY)!!!! If you have never had anything in your vagina before, you’re probs gonna need a couple fingers in there to help you loosen up. This can easily be tied into foreplay.
- A GENTLE, UNDERSTANDING LOVER WHO KNOWS AND RESPECTS THE ABOVE HINTS!!!! You don’t have to be in love with the person you first have sex with, but it should be someone who respects you and your boundaries!!! Before having sex with someone, explain to them these things and your masturbatory experience, your wants and needs. If they don’t respect that THEY HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR VAGINA.
Basically it comes down to this: if your partner says “it’s normal to bleed the first time,” sit him (or her) down and talk to them about what actually happens and how it’s supposed to go. If they respect that, cool. If they don’t, fuck ‘em. Actually no, don’t fuck them, dump their ass and find someone who doesn’t subscribe to the belief that anything as lovely and intimate as your first time having sex has to hurt.
This is a basic patriarchal myth to both scare women from having sex, as well as contribute to the laziness of men in terms of making sex enjoyable for their female partners.
Sex never has to hurt. And don’t you dare let anyone tell you that it fucking has to.
If you have health problems that legitimately make vaginal intercourse hurt, there are a billion other things you can do with your partner, and you should communicate your health issues to every single partner. Again, if they respect that, rock on. If they don’t, tell them ‘adios’ and leave the bedroom.
Need versus Want
The more I read, the more upset I get. I read about the pollution of our environment that leads to people getting sick and dying, but don’t worry because the corporations are making money hand over fist over those dead bodies, so it’s all good. I read about people who are guilty as hell getting off, or getting lighter sentences than they should. If I break into your house and steal your TV, or car jack you, then I shouldn’t be getting a greater punishment than someone who repeatedly rapes a person, films it, and then passes it off like it was no big deal because “they were asking for it”. I should not be hearing continual stories about how people are having to choose between food on the table, or the medical care they so desperately need, or that their child needs. Or about how even those who are gainfully employed, are still so below the poverty line that they need to be on food stamps, or welfare because they are getting paid as small an amount as is legally allowed.
Here’s what is going on. It’s two things primarily. One is that we have been very carefully lied to for a long time, so long that we’ve begun to believe it as truth. The other is that people in power are having their ears turned to those interests that can offer them the most money, not what is best for the American people. Notice what I said there, not “for the Democrats” or “for the Republicans”, but FOR THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.
Okay, let me try to lay this out. We’ll start with the lying. For years, decades even, we have been carefully manipulated by those in power, and I don’t mean just elected officials, into believing what they want us to believe. In fact, most of the elected are just saying what their corporate masters have told them to say. That’s the way our system works right now. You have been told again and again “Don’t worry about that natural gas fracking system in your home town. It’ll make everything better!” What it’s doing is making people sick, and some very interesting pyrotechnics. Honestly, who thought being able to set your tap water on fire would look so cool? You’ve also been told “Here, take this medication, no it won’t cure what you have, but it’ll help with the symptoms. Oh, you want a cure? Sorry, not possible” or “Sorry, it’s not done with trials, or research” or something like that. There’s no money in the cure, just money in the treatment of the symptoms. What about that war on drugs? We pay out so much money in our taxes to help “fight the war on drugs”. Yet there are more illegal drugs making their way into this country than most people would believe. Certainly more than you’ve been told. You want to be able to afford an education? Well sorry, we feel the need to charge you so much for your education, and add on a decent interest rate, that once you’re done with your bachelor’s degree, you’re going to spend the next decade or more paying it off. And that’s if you’re lucky.
The second thing, people in power’s ears being turned by those with money, is linked to the first. A lot of those people, those corporations and corporate heads don’t give a damn about you, or the country, or the environment. All they care about is their multi-million dollar bonus, their new car to add to their list of 60 others they already own, their next luxury yacht, etc. They talk a good game, saying how they care, how they want to help, but how many of them actually do? Most of them have fun finding ways to make sure they don’t pay taxes, or pay less than you and I. And they make sure to get the names of any decision makers they can, and pay them off as fast as possible to get them to vote the way the corporations want. Either that, or finance their opposition and attempt to destroy the one standing in their way.
What does a lot of this come down to? Need vs. Want. We have been manipulated into this mindset for a very long time, certainly all of my life. From commercials, to paid spokesmen, to elected officials crying out, we’ve been told all the things we should want. We’ve been told how to look at things, how to treat those less well off than ourselves, how to live, etc.
Let me give some examples. Here’s a hot button one, Health Care. We have people in this country, and a few of the elected officials, who would love for us to have a universal health care system. What is the rallying cry against it that you’ve always heard? Either it’s too expensive, or it’ll destroy our wonderful and amazing health care system. That it’ll kill your mother, and rape your father. That you’ll die before getting things you need. Well let me say this clearly, THAT’S OUR CURRENT SYSTEM! You can’t afford that life saving surgery? Well too bad, here’s some end of life care. Oh, you’re only 30, well if you’re willing to go into bankruptcy you can afford what needs to be done. You’d rather have food on your table and a roof over the heads of your family and children, your funeral. Seriously, how screwed up is this system that you have to make that kind of decision?
Another example, education. Let’s not look just at the student issues of massive debt, crumbling out of college job opportunities, etc. Let’s look at the teachers, the ones on the front lines, and not a the college ones. Let’s look at highschool and below. I know many teachers, and almost all of them say the same things. They pay for supplies out of their own pockets. Not just their own supplies, but supplies for the students. They are seeing their paychecks shrink, while their workload increases. They are some of the most underappreciated people in this country. They are the ones helping shape our children, teaching them, giving them the chance to improve themselves and our country. And they’re being told to do more with less. And when they inform parents or officials and others about their issues, a lot of times they’re being told “Too bad, make it work”.
We’ve been told for a while now what we want. We’ve been told that our wants are our needs. Well guess what, they aren’t. We have, for too long, been the whining, spoiled children of doting parents who are willing to give us whatever it is we say we want, but not what we need. I’m here to say I’m tired of it and I want something done about it.
I need certain things. I need a good education that isn’t going to force me into poverty, or basic indentured servitude. I need a roof over my head for myself and my family. I need a health care system that I can go to when I’m sick, and not have to worry about my ability to afford it, and if it’s better to just sit back and suffer. I need a foundation, a support structure that will give me the opportunity to better myself, others, and this entire country. I need an environment that isn’t so polluted that my tap water bursts into flames, or that poisons me whenever I try to eat or drink.
See, that’s the problem with this country. We, and most especially the corporations are spoiled children. They want things, and when they whine loud enough, they get it. And who cares about the neighbor kid, they can learn to whine as well. What we need is someone at the top who’s like a good parent. Someone who recognizes a spoiled, petulant child, whining for that candy bar in the store, or that latest toy, and can look that kid straight in the eye and say no. Also someone who’s not afraid to punish that child when they cross the line. Someone who knows when the child NEEDS something, and can make sure that need is provided for.
If things stay the way they are, here’s what I see happening. More and more, the child while whine, until they have everything. They will be snug and happy in their homes, with their cars and yachts, while the other children are starving, dying. Those children who are in the gutters, shut out by the ones who whined loud enough, will finally stand up and say enough. A revolution will happen. It may be bloodless, however how often has that happened in history? Those whining children will have their houses burnt down around them, all their edifices of power and prestige will be brought low and ground into dust. And all the while they’ll be looking at the starving and dying children and asking, “What did we do?”.
- Tyler: Hi! I'm new in this city. What's your name?
- Me: I'm...Zac. And you're not new, you've been walking around handing out pamphlets about how we're all going to hell for almost a month now.
- Tyler: ha ha, hi Zac! My name is Tyler. It's so very nice to meet you.
- *Awkward hand shake*
- Me: Is there something I can help you with?
- Tyler: Yeah, do you know where I could find a young man who's honest, kind, and truly a good person? And wants to do some good in this world?
- Me: ...what.
- Tyler: I'm looking for someone like that, do you know anybody who fits that description?
- Me: Nope.
- Tyler: *laughs* Oh come on now, you surely can think of SOMEone.
- Me: ....
- Tyler: Anyone?
- Me: Drawing a blank here Tyler.
- Tyler: Well how about I give you my card, and if you think of someone who fits that description. You just have them call me ok?
- Me: So what...you're like...looking for a boyfriend?
- Tyler: Excuse me!?
- Me: Yeah, you're just cruising for a good guy to settle down with right? I dig it.
- Tyler: No no no my friend, you see-
- Me: Dude, it's cool. Hey, if I was gay. I'd tear that ass up. I mean, the whole white button down shirt with black pants and tie is pretty "pulp fiction". You pull it off well. Guys just aren't my thing.
- Tyler: No, you've misunderstood.
- Me: I'll keep an eye out for you Tyler, I gotta go.
- *walks away*
- Tyler: But-
- Me: (from a distance) SOMEDAY YOUR PRINCE WILL COME!
- And that's how you handle it folks!